Do You Ever Talk To Yourself?

I talk to myself like I’m in the middle of a conversation with someone.

I’m at the coffee table with the sunlight pouring in from the café window. I see your face, you see mine. The colors are bright, and the busy café carries on in the background. But I blink and I’m back in the shower with the running hot water steaming the room. My skin is damp and red. Time passed by but I was lost in conversation.

I’m speaking to an audience. I see the yellow shirt in the second row. I see the array of faces smudged by the warm glare of stage lights. Happy faces, minds captured by wonder, this is all I see. But I blink and I’m alone in my room. My back against the wall while I sit crisscrossed on my bed. Time passed by but I was lost in conversation.

 Your face, unknown to me, yet I know exactly what to say to you. Despite your pointed words, I have every comeback, every fact, all laid out. I’m composed, elegant, fluent, unlike you. The few spectators around us agree with me and you’re kicked out of the bar. A drunken bully you were that night. But I blink and I’m racing down the highway. Time passed by but I was lost in conversation.

 My chest hurts, it’s hard to breathe, I haven’t seen you in months. You’re sitting on the edge of my bed. I pour my heart into your cup. I see you drink every sip. This time, you’ll finally understand. This time, you’ll finally say you’re sorry. But I blink and I’m in my living room and I forgot to turn the lights on. Time passed but I was lost in conversation.

 I don’t know where I am when this happens. I’ve experienced things I’ve never lived. I’ve skipped realities, bouncing from all moments. I’m everywhere, I know everyone, and everyone knows me.

 All these conversations, where do they go? All these conversations, where are they from? All these conversations that we will never know. They’ve escaped us, died with us. They live in our dreams coming true in our imaginations. All the places we have been but never touched. All the people we have spoken to but never met. All the things we have thought but never said. All these conversations, so many conversations, have been had but never happened.